


Chasing light

by berrynthewood



Series: Given Winter Holiday Event [3]
Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Fluff, Given Winter Holiday Event 2020, Humour, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pinning, Stolen Kiss, Stubborn Characters, food contest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22226416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrynthewood/pseuds/berrynthewood
Summary: Sometimes, some people's souls are so bright it could blind one's heart.When Shizusumi suddenly closes himself from him after a stupid event, Hiiragi feels himself mourning the loss of his quiet, yet comforting presence.Day 7: FEAST
Relationships: Kashima Hiiragi/Yagi Shizusumi
Series: Given Winter Holiday Event [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591693
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58
Collections: Winter Holiday Event





	Chasing light

**Author's Note:**

> This is my last work for the Given Winter Event 2020.  
> I'm SO late for this one !  
> That's what you get when you can't wrap something up fast because you're too picky xD
> 
> So, here I am, presenting you a - not so short - story about those two.  
> I saw that there weren't a lot about them and I wanted to give them some justice ;)
> 
> Have a good read !

Shizu was looking silently - but definitely disapproving - at the loud scene made by the two boys in front of him.

There were one hundred percent chances it would end up badly. He could bet his kidney on it.

Anyway, it wasn't his role to play babysitting and he drew out a long sigh, eyeing a quiet Mafuyu sat by his side.

"You're not going to do anything to stop Uenoyama-kun, don't you ?" he let out, flatly, with his usual deadpan expression.

Mafuyu shrugged, wearing the same blank face as his bystander friend. "Nope. It's no use, he's way too stubborn" and then he laughed, sound practically inaudible with all the ruckus, "Besides, I think they both need to blow out on a daily basis. Somehow, it's a perfect chance."

Shizu made an unnoticed frustrated growl, head resting upon his hand. "You're aware of the fact we'll be the ones clearing up the mess afterwards ?"

"That's not what worries you the most, though. Am I wrong ?" Mafuyu pointed out, still looking straight ahead, avoiding his friend's gaze.

Shizu narrowed his eyes. Mafuyu was always so sensitive and perceptive about other people's feelings and that wasn't new but he didn't ever mentionned it out loud. Shizu didn't care about what people would think of him, so denying wasn't an issue here. As long as it didn't interfere with Hiiragi's hidden feelings.

But Mafuyu was right. What Shizu feared the most about Hiiragi, was his high capacity to give his pride more priority than his well-being. And unfortunately, he just found his equal in Uenoyama.

So, here he was, feeling quite powerless as he was watching Hiiragi trying to challenge Uenoyama to a food contest aka 'stuff your mouth with as much food as possible'.

Everything had started with a stupid argument - like always with those two - and they got scolded like crazy by the restaurant's employee when they begun to throw fries at one another. Thus, things kinda escalated to a food contest instead, when they ordered five servings of potatoes, fries and nuggets. Each.

Now, it was like witnessing two starving cats fighting over a piece of fish, hair standing up on their heads, hands grabbing food at flash speed, like they were sharp claws. They even took time between two mouthfuls to annoy the the shit out of one another with stinky words or even snatch food on the opponent's plate.

_Aaaah... he will so regret it later..._ thought Shizu.

Hiiragi slammed suddenly his fist on the table, his other hand covering his mouth, still full of smashed fries, "I- Mmmphf-done !!" he claimed before swallowing with difficulty.

"W-what ?!" Ritsuka gasped, sputtering what seemed like remaining of nuggets from his parted lips. He hated loosing so much, and even more when it was against Hiiragi. He didn't know why. It wasn't hatred though. It was more like a rivality, which could draw out his inner childishness, usually hidden behind his natural talent and composed face. And somewhat, it wasn't so bad. He was finding Hiiragi both annoying and endearing, a mix of feeling making him unable to restrain himself in his company.

But still, he hated loosing.

Hiiragi drained his glass of water to clear his throat before speaking "You owe me a lunch". He flashed a smug smile at Ritsuka, relishing in his victory.

"How about paying for this one first ?" suggered Shizu, to cut down any more unnecessary quarrel, "The cashier is glaring at us, you know."

The two boys growled, shooting daggers at one another, but complied nonetheless taking the rest of the battlefield to the trash. Mafuyu and Shizu helped them clearing off the remaining of food dropped on the floor during this all-out war.

Once the clearing done, Ritsuka wobbled between the tables, a hand holding his comlaining stomach, "Ugh, I think I need some rest..."

"You can rest at my place for tonight if you're not feeling well. It's nearer after all." Mafuyu proposed, staring at his boyfriend with a worried look. Hiiragi couldn't help it and jumped on the occasion to tease the couple.

"Eh, how bold of you Mafu-Uhfm"

"Hiiragi." Shizu cut him by slamming a hand on his mouth. " _We_ 're going home" he said, dragging Hiiragi toward the exit under the curious looks of Uenoyama and Mafuyu.

"What's gotten into him ?" asked Ue, turning his head to his boyfriend.

Mafuyu never answered. He knew somehow, and he watched Shizu's back walking away, a pained feeling twirling inside his stomach. And it wasn't the food's fault.

*

"Wh-What ? Hey, Shizu, let go !"

Hiiragi was trying to pull away from Shizu's grip, shaking it with energy, but the fingers were curled around his wrist like an iron grip. "Oi ! What's gotten into you ?!"

Shizu suddenly stopped walking. He was now pretty aware of the fact that he got totally fed up. Maybe he should take some time later to clear up his head. Hopefully, he always had the greatest skills at remaining perfectly impassive. He took a few breaths, releasing slowly Hiiragi's arm as he stared at the boy's offended face.

"Nothing. Just thinking that we should give them some space."

Hiiragi lifted an eyebrow, unconvinced. "If you wanted to go home, you could've just said so you know..."

"I'm just tired. That's all." Shizu lifted his hand to mess Hiiragi's half-bleached hair, an usual gesture between them, which he used to calm the hot-blooded boy most of the time.

"Oh... ok."

A long silence settled down as they walked the path to home and Hiiragi felt nervous. Shizu wasn't a talkative person but his presence was always benevolent. A strong and calm force, always standing by his side, silently. But tonight, he could sense a faint discomfort and when they reached the neighborhood, he felt the urge to break this awkward silence.

“I-I'm looking forward to have a rematch with stubborn-boy. Next time, I will challenge him to twice the amount of food, I'm confident !”

Unfortunatly for him, it had the exact opposite effect.

“Hiiragi. I think it would be better to behave yourself.”

The words slipped past Shizu's tongue, slapping Hiiragi in the face. He half-opened his mouth, trying to find the right meaning behind the sentence, in vain.

“What do you mean ?” He tried, locking his eyes with the taller boy's ones in hope to decipher what was laying under this unwavering gaze. But, Shizu kept his usual pokerface, closing himself from Hiiragi. Again. It pulled on his heart in the most aching way possible.

“Why aren't you saying anything ?” He tightened his fists, tensing up. He saw his friend tilting his head slightly to the side, a faint light passing through his eyes before speaking again.

“Because I have nothing else to say.” Shizu averted his eyes and Hiiragi's heart dropped in his stomach. There was definitely something's wrong. He got closer and gripped Shizu's shoulder as a way to make him look back.

“Don't ignore me !” He lashed out in frustration, already regretting his harsh tone.

At least it got a reaction. Shizu turned his head, finally facing Hiiragi, and grabbed the hand stuck on his arm to free himself from his friend.

“I told you. There is nothing going on. Now, I think you should go home and rest. I bet your stomach will get it back to you tomorrow. Have a good night.”

Hiiragi was speechless. He wasn't able to reach his childhood friend. He was like a different person. Cold and distant. So unlike him.

And Hiiragi was standing there in the street, hopeless as he watched Shizu moving away from him, hundred of questions storming inside his brain.

*

  
The worst part is, in the end Shizu was right about his stomach.

The next morning, Hiiragi was feeling awful. With his belly churning his insides like a laundry machine in a spinning mode, he barely slept. Worse: he couldn't even get up.

And on top of that, he still couldn't digest nor comprehend Shizu's attittude.

At least, with him being stuck in bed for the day, he wouldn't have to face him...

But he felt incredibly... lonely.

He rolled on his bed, curling in himself in an attempt to ease the pain and whined out loud, face buried in the pillow.

He loved Shizusumi. Since they were kids.

It wasn't the same crazy, intimate and passionate bond Mafuyu and Yuuki shared. It was more like a long and deep love growing deeper in years, developping from a little germ to a massive and strong rooted tree. And he feared so much to loose it that he tried as much as it was possible for him to keep him by his side, by all sorts of ways. Shizu always consented to everything. Following him in anything he proposed.

So why the hell did he seemed _upset_ yersterday ?

Hiiragi's eyelids were heavy with the lack of sleep and he was trying desesperatly to ignore his aching stomach to get some rest.

Maybe this stupid food contest was a bad idea after all... But was there something else behind ?

His mind drifted, exhaustion finally winning against the pain and worry, and he let himself being dragged to the relieving darkness.

*

When Hiiragi opened his eyes, he thought he was still stuck in his dreams. Like in that crazy Inception movie he had watched for school.

Two familiar amber eyes were looking at him with a deadpan expression, there, just in front of his bed, in his own room.

Hiiragi blinked several times to chase away the weird hallucination standing before him. As it didn't seem to work at all, he straightened up to a sitting position with a grunt, and leaned his back against the wall.

“Mafuyu ?... Are you trying to hunt me down for force-feeding your boyfriend yesterday or are you here just to laugh at my pitiful state ?” Hiiragi complained, body wrapped in his comfy blanket.

The boy tilted his head to the side, seriously considering the question.

“Uhm... I think both would be pretty enjoying” he answered as a matter of facts, tapping a finger to his chin, “Oh, I brought some biscuits by the way, want some ?”

“You're the devil...” Hiiragi growled, slouching further down against the wall.

The simple sight of food could've make him throw up...

“Mmmh. Well, joke aside, I came to bring you back the CDs you lent me last week.”

Hiiragi managed to laugh, despite his burning stomach. Maybe he should've stayed down, to limitate the pain.

“And you've come all this way just for this ?”

“I was just passing by and your mom invited me, saying you were upstairs. Sick like hell.” Mafuyu explained, voice flat before adding “Shizu's not coming ?”

A shiver ran down Hiiragi's spine and a sudden lump formed in his throat.

“No, I didn't told him." He took a deep breath, to go through a sudden wave of pain before adding in a sigh, "And he didn't ask anyway.”

Mafuyu was silent, his gaze fixed on Hiiragi, waiting for him to elaborate.

Hiiragi brought the back of his hand to hide his eyes and gave in, defeated.

“I guess he's mad at me because of yesterday's diner. Even if I find it quite exaggerated to be honest." The image of Shizu's almost _pained_ expression popped into his mind and he ducked his head down, "Still, he was so weird when we parted...”

“You're both idiots” Mafuyu mumbled and Hiiragi shot his head up.

“What ?”

“I told you already, you should confess.”

“NO WAY !” Hiiragi screamed, face completely red. It was clear to him that Mafuyu was bullying him, as his lips were clamped shut in an effort to hold a fit of giggles.

Hiiragi let his body fall back to the mattress, face buried in the pillow. He didn't like to show his weak side to anyone but Shizu...

“I'm too scared to loose him...” He finally admitted, voice muffled into cotton, “I won't take the risk of ruining our friendship. Instead, I would prefere if we remain like this forever... As long as we can be together, be it friends or... more.” He sunk deeper into the pillow, voice barely audible, “Still... it hurts.”

Maybe it was the sickness adding to his emotionnal pain but he felt miserable. He was having fun everyday but maybe he was taking Shizu's attachement to him for granted. He wondered how long they would remain like this. That's why he lived every day like it was the last. He knew he was selfish to keep Shizu's kindness for himself alone but he didn't have the courage to let go. But he always thought he would respect Shizu's decision if one fine day he would choose to part way with him, to draw the line, even if it would break him. Yesterday's event made him believe that maybe this moment was coming sooner than he had thought... And he wasn't prepared for it yet...

"You really should consult someone about your eyesight." Mafuyu said out of the blue, snapping Hiiragi back to reality. He emerged his head from the protecting pillow and furrowed.

"Ah ? I don't see how it could be revelant to the current situation ?"

"Oh, or maybe the problem is actually your brain." Mafuyu rolled his eyes in an obvious fashion.

"Are you trying to pick a fight ?!" Hiiragi got up suddenly, immediatly regretting the rushed movement. It brought back immediatly his awareness of the pain upsetting his stomach and he collapsed back into his bed, holding his middle.

"You should keep your energy to heal properly." Mafuyu reached for a small plastic bag laying by his side and dropped it to the bedside table. "Here, I bought you some painkillers."

Hiiragi whined loudly, far too drained out to gather his sass again and watched Mafuyu making his way out the room. Before the door closed, his head popped through it one last time.

"Get well soon."

Hiiragi didn't know if Mafuyu was talking about his mind or body - maybe both ? - but felt grateful anyway.

“Uhm... thanks for the medicine, and the CD's...” He mumbled back.

“And for the biscuits ?” His friend smiled mischeviously.

“Go to hell...” Hiiragi snorted and the door finally closed, letting silence filling the room again.

*

He slept all day long. Slumber finally eased the pain, making it better to recover some of his forces. He was feeling groggy but at least, the nausea disappeared.

It was late and the room was dark. He was craving for a shower but the simple idea of getting outside the blanket made him shiver. Maybe it could wait tomorrow after all...

That was when he heard soft steps in the hallway. He assumed it was his mom checking on him when the door opened, revealing a tall and familiar masculine figure instead.

Hiiragi's heart missed a beat and his head was out of the clouds in an instant and he stood up instantly.

“What... are you doing here ?...” was the first thing he dropped, taken aback by what he thought was another one of his brain's hallucination jokes.

“Mafuyu told me you were sick." Shizu said in that low rumbling voice of him.

Hiiragi gaped, considering the man standing before him when realization came hitting him straight in the face. He blushed really hard, a part of him ashamed by his current state – covered in sticky sweat and face ruined by the pillow – and another part truly relieved to see him again.

“How are you feeling ?” Shizu asked, eyes piercing through his friend's ones.

Hiiragi closed his mouth, an overwhelming feeling rushing from his heart to his face, watering his wrinkled eyes. He was really thankfull of the darkness filling the room right now so it could hide at best his expression.

“I... I'm... better than this morning... I guess” He answered in a shy chuckle before letting himself to sit back on the bed, gaze dropping to the floor.

He heard a soft swish of clothes and the bed squeaked when Shizu settled by his side, his body warmth radiating through his clothes and adding a sickless fever to Hiiragi's face.

Even though the room was dimly lit, Hiiragi wouldn't be able to hide his flustered expression at this distance. He buried his face in his hands instead, running away from any potential side glance.

“I'm sorry... for yesterday.” Hiiragi exhaled painfully.

“Mmm...”

“I know I'm a brat sometimes...”

“Mmm...”

“I will... uhm... try to behave... like you said...”

“Mmm...”

“Hey, aren't you gonna say anything else ?!” Hiiragi snapped his head to Shizu, completely restless. But then, he fell face-to-face with a genuine, fond smile and his heart jumped in his ribcage. A hand reached into his hair and ruffled it with affection and Hiiragi wanted to purr under the gesture. God, how he loved those simple display acts of affection...

“You're an idiot” said Shizu, sending another electric choc across his whole body, warming him inside.

It was the usual Shizu again.

Hiiragi couldn't help the relieved smile expending on his face nor the sentence escaping his lips.

“But... I won.”

Shizu's eyes went unexpectedly wide. Then he snorted and it was the most amazing sound he heard in a while.

Another silence settled in, but this time it was full of understanding and forgiveness.

Hiiragi felt his heart swelling and almost bursting when he scooted closer to Shizu's face, lips attracted like a magnet to the dark-haired boy's ones. That single moment felt like an eternity.

_Why aren't you pulling away ? Why aren't you saying anything ? What should I do with those feelings ?_

Hiiragi was travelling the distance, almost reached it... and dropped his head in misery against Shizu's chest.

“I... think I need more rest.” He let out, jaw clenched with frustration. He didn't know what to think anymore. He needed answsers but still was far too afraid to hear them...

Shizu circled his arms around his shoulders, doing nothing to ease Hiiragi's dilemna, but it felt too good to pull away. So, he decided to indulge a little more to Shizu's kindness, his own feelings be damned.

“Can you... stay with me until I fall asleep ?”

Another hand ruffling his messed up hair told him the positive answer.

_I beg you, stay with me as long as you are inclined to._

*

Hiiragi surrendered to sleep at flash speed.

Shizu was sat on the floor, near Hiiragi's head level, a hand still playing with his hair.

He almost lost control for the second time in mere twenty-four hours.

Hiiragi was so bright he nearly forgot not to drown in his aura.

But this aura had its disadvantages. He could get along with everyone so easily and it sometimes annoyed him.

Shizu never felt this jealous in his entire life. And seeing people around him reaching hapiness wasn't making it better.

He wanted to keep him all of Hiiragi to himself, swallowing his radiance to irradiate his own soul. But he knew it wouldn't do him any good. And Shizu would do anything to preserve that shimmering light as it is, even if it meant sharing it with other people. Still, he wanted to tarnish it so much, like throwing colours across a white canvas...

Nevermind, he was used to it.

Shizu stood up, watching Hiiragi's peaceful sleeping face and he thought that maybe, just for once, he could be a little selfish.

He leaned slowly, and carefully brushed his lips against Hiiragi's warm ones.

“Your punishment, for making me jealous” He whispered quietly.

Now, he could bear with it for a little longer.

Until Hiiragi was willing to dedicate all his light to Shizu's dark soul.

And maybe then, he would be put out of his own misery.

**Author's Note:**

> They are truely both stupid idiots in love xD  
> I'm really curious about what you'll think of that fic, so don't be afraid to give a feedback ;)
> 
> Now, I'm back to finish Ode to my family (don't worry, I'm almost there)  
> I'm taking any recommendation for the future, for any pairing you would like to see.
> 
> Hope to see you soon ! 
> 
> \- Berry ([Tumblr](https://berrynthewood.tumblr.com/) / [Twitter](https://twitter.com/berrynthewood/))


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